is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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