insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
