i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
