we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
