I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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