Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
