so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
