I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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