Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what day is it and did you see me today?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
