I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
