So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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