you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
