"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
