Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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