Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
