why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
