I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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