one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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