I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
