omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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