she was so not down for the gang bang
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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