My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
