You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
