Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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