chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I puked a lego.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
