got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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