Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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