Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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