Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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