I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
