you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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