this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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