I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
