I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
