Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
not ubering you a puppy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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