sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
lol hangovers are for mortals.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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