just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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