you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
