I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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