I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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