Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
