note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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