woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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