I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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