I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
