Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
