At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
