How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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