cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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