he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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