Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
