On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
