LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
