Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
