all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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