shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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