you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
