Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style