Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
True strength comes from lack of pants