yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
