Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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  (610): So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues? http://tfl.nu/kfs7
  Replies (16) Good night (1243) Bad night (3456)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.

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  (301): all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol. http://tfl.nu/ssjg
  Replies (11) Good night (3844) Bad night (848)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

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  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1850) Bad night (5852)
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  (845): View more from New York

  no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill

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  (845): no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill http://tfl.nu/ddir
  Replies (4) Good night (1384) Bad night (4650)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

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  (937): All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely http://tfl.nu/gogl
  Replies (4) Good night (3111) Bad night (612)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot

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  (605): I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot http://tfl.nu/d13k
  Replies (4) Good night (1566) Bad night (1097)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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  (618): He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you." (224): Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out. http://tfl.nu/vy5b
  Replies (8) Good night (1673) Bad night (785)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home

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  (505): I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home http://tfl.nu/ti9z
  Replies (5) Good night (546) Bad night (1020)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...

  (567): View more from Ohio

  Keep it.

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  (419): I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate... (567): Keep it. http://tfl.nu/x8n2
  Replies (0) Good night (1000) Bad night (472)
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  (831): View more from California

  to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal

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  (831): to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal http://tfl.nu/c7f7
  Replies (5) Good night (561) Bad night (1219)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?

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  (304): That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try. (304): Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone? http://tfl.nu/y8p7
  Replies (10) Good night (570) Bad night (1254)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.

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  (630): And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates. http://tfl.nu/727h
  Replies (4) Good night (848) Bad night (343)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke

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  (206): You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke http://tfl.nu/er3q
  Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (314)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party

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  (701): he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party http://tfl.nu/b7mb
  Replies (0) Good night (569) Bad night (231)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.

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  (920): I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope. http://tfl.nu/g0eb
  Replies (3) Good night (238) Bad night (447)

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