Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred. http://tfl.nu/ocgs

Replies (11) Good night (1045) Bad night (1937)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.

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(307): I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist. http://tfl.nu/unvw

Replies (12) Good night (1046) Bad night (1506)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.

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(312): Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/1om1

Replies (82) Good night (3439) Bad night (889)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home

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(910): my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home http://tfl.nu/9si8

Replies (17) Good night (929) Bad night (3797)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.

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(814): It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble. http://tfl.nu/cvy5

Replies (17) Good night (704) Bad night (4926)
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(281): View more from Texas

i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

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(281): i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night. http://tfl.nu/0cve

Replies (71) Good night (1520) Bad night (6282)
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(530): View more from California

dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often

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(530): dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often http://tfl.nu/lo0b

Replies (10) Good night (4462) Bad night (787)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.

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(502): After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza. http://tfl.nu/j0sn

Replies (5) Good night (3857) Bad night (841)
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(520): View more from Arizona

you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab

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(520): you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab http://tfl.nu/m7xl

Replies (4) Good night (1673) Bad night (747)
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(480): View more from Arizona

In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.

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(480): In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me. http://tfl.nu/5anz

Replies (2) Good night (776) Bad night (1671)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.

(504): View more from Louisiana

This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.

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(985): Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers. (504): This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot. http://tfl.nu/gotr

Replies (2) Good night (885) Bad night (401)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.

(404): View more from Georgia

We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.

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(678): Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to. (404): We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit. http://tfl.nu/4kzw

Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (660)
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(369): View more from California

I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.

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(369): I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter. http://tfl.nu/wfue

Replies (4) Good night (1097) Bad night (298)
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(585): View more from New York

I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.

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(585): I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright. http://tfl.nu/bzkq

Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (236)
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(845): View more from New York

You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..

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(845): You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship.. http://tfl.nu/vijk

Replies (1) Good night (362) Bad night (216)

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