At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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