I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
