I'm jealous of your bromance
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
