He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
