If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
