Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
