I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
