Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
