Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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