I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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