My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have already put on my inside pants.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
