Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
