I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
