my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize