Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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