if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
