i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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