Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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