I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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